It’s 00.56 on a Monday morning! Start of a new week well it is if I had a purpose to my week, one day blends into another like a artists paint pallet, colours overtime mix together until you can no longer see the original colour of the newly purchased pallet. Life doesn’t have a purpose at the moment, I did a radical thing over the weekend, I tore down a life that I had for 20 years. Imagine a 8 x 8 foot room full of your life, pictures, photos, thank you from the class of 7 year old your taught, thank you from 16 Primary 1’s you taught crafts, 9 year old you taught photography.
These children I have sent out into the world with a extra little amount of knowledge, something different than maths, English, spelling I take all that and pack it away as if I am leaving on a journey.
Computers, monitors, graphic tablets that you worked on for over 20 years, graphic design, wedding invites, posters, photographs, websites and 17 hour days, did it make me rich, no did it make me famous, only in Russia for some reason, what these long hours did do, it made me fat, fat enough to damage my health, diabetes, strain on joints, walking difficult. So what has the last 20 year sitting at the computer has done for me, what I have to show for it? Nothing.
20 years of my life in a plastic box and put into a cupboard.
My office is stripped only thing is my desk, large expensive desk! What is it waiting for, I close the door and walk away, does it sign because it’s become surplus to requirements, it’s like when a tree falls in the forest does it make a noise if there is no one around to hear it?
I have planned for something new but I am doubting myself whether I am good enough with my design skills. Do I start producing silver jewellery? Am I experenced enough to make high quality silver hall marked jewelry to be sold as wearable art, or do people look at it, call it crap and laugh at me behind my back or do I trust people to behave as adults and not make tittle tattle lies, to kill a reputation before I even got started, I have heard them, in the shops up the aisle telling each other how certain hairdressers are rubbish, or a cafe make crappy coffee, this is such a small place and there are groups who will kill it before it gets going, seen it, experenced it.
Do I waste my time or say feck them and move forward head held high and tell myself if they don’t like it the can feck off.
Do I accept my skills or lack of them and do the best I can and look forward until I start to move forward, will my desk feel wanted again despite the heat of torches and drops of silver solder or the spill of acid or pickle.
My life is that hump, it’s at a point that I need to completely change my life, new outlook, new adventures, new places and person’s, well maybe it is what I need. I am no one interesting, just a child of God, just someone in an 8×8 room with an expensive desk and a new skill to learn, people who are victims of their own desires, selfishness, bitter tongues, petty jealousys, can ignore me and go feed their hatreds from someone who deserves it.
I am going to do my thing and if they don’t like me, my jewellery, they know where they can stick it, somewhere dark and smelly.
I do hope the Almighty looks down on my and helps and blesses me, because I am going to need it.