Love…. The Real Stuff

love_heartsLOVE…. A four letter word that if used correctly can rock a person’s world use wrongly can destroy.

Do we use the word to many times, to often, use the word in the wrong place, time, conjecture.?

Do we use the word not enough, does someone needs to be told 10, 20 times a day, at the end of text messages that are sent, emails, end of a phone call?.

What is love? I have thought about this questions so many times over the many year I have been around, do you just know love, is there a hormone that is released when your brain gets told by your heart that it’s love, do your learn love as you learn to speak, stack logo bricks and write your name, do we learn love from cuddling our teddy, was that teddy your first love? How about the love you received from your parents, the more love you received gives you the ability to love more in adulthood or do you take the learnt love and add it with your adult love?

father_sonHow many types of love is there,  or is it just love and that is it? Surely not as you cannot love your partner in the same way you loved your teddy? What about spreading your love, do you have enough to go around like having enough butter to spread on your toast in the morning.  How can you suddenly stop loving someone you both go to bed at 11pm and cuddle up close and you wake up and you don’t love that person you were cuddling the night before, what happened in those 8 hours while you were sleeping, did your love just drain away, was it like stab in your heart and you are drained of love?

Love confuses me sometime, I know what love is like, I have felt what I know should be love so I accept it as love then carry on. For instance when my son was born it was instant love, how can I not love him, he was this small helpless bundle of my genes and I am doing what society says I must do, or was it my instincts . Due to complications my partner never saw her son for 24 hours so I had the honour of the first feed, first change and so on and I had not slept in nearly 36 hours but I was wide awake.

Was that love or was it me following what society says as a father I must do. I know I felt a deep down mix of excitement,  fear, happiness, euphoria I changed suddenly, almost instantly as he took his first breath to become this protector of this new life and 32 years later he is married with two daughters and I know he would have experienced the same feelings that I did. But just wait till they are teenagers and I baby_feetwill say “Ha payback is a bitch” but it doesn’t matter what they do if I have set my signals correctly and brought him up right it doesn’t matter what those two girls do their parents will always have that feeling of emotions that we say is love.

So that’s love of a parent to a child. What about the feelings we have for a slice of fruit cake my favourite, especially Christmas cake we say “Oh I just love Christmas cake”

What is the difference between the love of Christmas cake and the love your have for your partner who spent 3 hours mixing, baking and decorating the Christmas cake? Is it the same love?  Or is it a different strength of love, you would jump in the path of a speeding bullet to save your favourite slice of cake?

strawberryIt’s certainly the same four letter word maybe the brain has a built in Love-o-matic meter and standing in the kitchen are your two items you love, one is a Christmas cake a slice already sitting on a side plate with a cup of coffee and your partner with their apron on and covered in flour, you say you love the cake and you love your partner but I bet you at the precise moment you are looking at the cake more than your partner and I bet dragging your partner to your bedroom and thanking her proper is not as appealing than the cake. So are you loving the cake more than your partner at that fraction of a second or is it a different kind of love? If it’s a different kind of love why use the same word ? Why not use the word ‘like’ and combine it with ‘very’ and ‘much’ and leave the word love alone for something that you really do love like your partner, your children or your parents.

sheastadiumfansWhat about the love for someone you have never met, how about a pop star or a group, it was said that girls who went to Beatles or Elvis concerts had their first orgasm, now that is love, imagine an emotion so strong that it can make someone orgasm, a completely private event among a crowd of 10,000  or more screaming teenage girls fainting, screaming, crying. The Beatles, four young men from Liverpool, England caused so many girls to ‘fall in love’ with them, even a A3 poster of the Fab Four given away free by magazines aimed at teenage girls would bring out all the passion of love and love making a feeling so strong with just the use of the imagination and a picture they are  with and making love to a member of the Fab Four. Remember that this is the 60’s and sex education wasn’t taught in many of the schools. Was this Love or just sexual attraction  Below are excerpts from a report on the affects of the four on females.,

  • Some girls in the U.S. ate the grass Ringo had walked on. (When told about this, his comment was: “I just hope they don’t get indigestion.”)
  • “Fainting fans were commonplace, with bodies littering the foyer of the theatre… One nurse told me that some girls reached such peaks of excitement they genuinely had orgasms.” – Photographer Terence Spencer on British Beatlemania, It was thirty years ago today
  • Carol Dryden, of Sunderland, England, had herself packaged and sent to The Beatles (she didn’t get very far, having forgotten about the lack of oxygen in a closed box…).

airportThis mass hysteria was it love or was it just the hormones of teenage girls desperate to find a partner as nature intended and these four men fitted what our brains tell us that they are perfect mates, they are good looking so their children will be, they have triangle shaped torso and they look healthy so they will be able to hunt down and kill the Sabre Tooth Tiger and of course talented and they have money. All these attributes are what our instincts say will make a good partner. The law of attraction tell us that when looking for a life partner that we look for certain things. Two main theories have guided scientific thinking on the subject. First is evolutionary theory , which claims that behavioural tendencies, physical characteristics, and personality features that promote our chances to survive and reproduce become, by that virtue, desirable to us. In addition, biological and anatomical differences between organisms will dictate different optimal solutions to the same problem. For example, if two animals, one with nimble feet and the other with strong wings, encounter a hungry predator, how will they deal with the survival threat? Most likely, the first animal will run away and the second will fly off.

cave-manLikewise, the evolutionary approach predicts that the biological and anatomical differences between men and women will result in different preferences for partner selection. For example, human biology dictates that women need help and protection during pregnancy, and that their fertility is time-limited. Therefore, it makes sense that men who can provide protection will be deemed attractive to women, and that young—and hence fertile—women will be attractive to men. Indeed, studies show that when it comes to long-term relationships, women overall emphasize the importance of status parameters while men find female youth highly attractive.

On the other hand, ‘social role theory,’ developed by the American psychologist Alice Eagly , argues that social—rather than biological—processes dictate our social choices. According to this argument, the mate selection rules are dictated by the roles that women and men occupy in society. Thus, people’s preferences in the search for a mate are expected to shift as social roles and norms shift. For example, women are attracted to men with power and money because society limits their own ability to gain power and money. If, tomorrow, most positions of power and money go to women, then a man’s status and wealth will matter much less to women, while male beauty, youth, and stamina may come to matter more.

When choosing a partner, we frequently engage in internal negotiations whereby the value of romantic love is pitted against the value of social status and economic security. If the love is strong, we may sacrifice security or economic status. If the potential partner’s status is high, we may compromise regarding the intensity of our romantic feelings.

There is so much about love and relationship, attraction and who attracts who and so on I could be sit here and write for days but that would just make this a lecture on Laws of attraction and I don’t want to do this as I don’t want to sit here all day and I am sure you the reader don’t want to get in to deep. If you have any ideas on love and attraction, sex and the modern being then please comment and let me know your thoughts and ideas

Thank You to psychologytoday.com for some of the passages, text and ideas which help me write this.

Some of this was written in the early hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep which is part of my condition and was written over a two week period but my thoughts have never changed while writing. Love is the most beautiful thing and has shaped countries. Many men died for love of a woman but only one man has died for a world he gave his life to save our souls, that was Jesus Christ – Oh I have shocked you, I sneaked religion in but religion, doesn’t matter what religion or faith you belong to, they all talk about Peace and Love and so it should.

Love is an incredible thing, Love of ones country will make one go and risk your life, even giving your life, Love will make you laugh and will make you cry, Love will make you travel many miles for just a single kiss, Love will tempt you, Love will turn you into a giggling school girl, Love will turn you into crying bubbling mess, Love will make you hurt the one you Love the most, Love will turn your enemy to your friend, Love will never make you rich with money but will make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams with the feelings of Love, Love can change a person for ever.

I want to finish with this passage. It says it all. If you are of an religious faith or not it doesn’t matter when it comes downs to Love.

1 Corinthians 13 2-8

If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Love is Love just a four letter word but we cannot live without it

 

 

 

 

 

  1 comment for “Love…. The Real Stuff

  1. Salsita Rosa
    December 5, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Love…
    We use the word too many times, maybe so, or even in the wrong place or in the wrong moment in time or situation.
    I must admit I avoid saying I love you in some occasions, because it can be wrongly interpreted, precisely because of the different meanings the word love can assume to others.
    However, for me, Love is much more than a word and expressing love never wears out and we never use it enough, whether we feel the need to express it a thousand times, whether we feel that the other person, man or woman, needs to hear it in that particular moment. I need it always. I love the reassurance of being loved.
    Love in English, amor in Portuguese, amour in French or in any other language in the world, doesn’t really change one’s feeling.The word in itself is nothing, but the intentions behind it are.
    We can express Love in our every day attitudes, by texting, by emailing, by smiling, by having a certain way of touching the other person, no matter if it’s towards a mum or a dad, a daughter or a son, a wife, a husband or even a friend. Some of us feel the need to express it, some of us don’t. I do.
    Love is such a strong feeling that it can cross over phone lines and borders and each person’s imagination. We can love like there’s no tomorrow or just be so shy that we can’t even blow a kiss to a child without feeling embarrassed.
    I never think about Love in a scientific perspective. For me, Love is just Love and Love has no limits whatsoever and it can lead to such level of intimacy that we forget all inhibitions at times.
    Love is being in love with our son since we felt we might be pregnant and from every moment on since he was born and we cut off his umbilical cord.
    Love is smiling. Love is feeling tenderness towards my friends and my lover.
    Love is my shelter, my way of expressing feeling towards others.
    Love is with us since we are born, yes. Loving is sharing. Love is making love with no reservations whatsoever. Love is laughter. Love is crying with someone. Love is caring. Love is feeling the need to make others happy and making sure your friend is well.
    As for me, I never stopped loving the people I shared my life with in a moment in time, in spite of hurting just thinking about it, even today, no matter how many years gone by.
    Love also hurts deeply, but we can’t give up on love, even when it hurts so much you feel like you want to die. Not feeling love is dying, is being drained of your vital energy. You can’t give up on your life even if we think we have no more options left, even if we feel that it’s impossible for someone to love a person like us. That’s why we must love ourselves first, before we can love others. And if we don’t? Things become so much harder. Believe me, I know the feeling.I find love in the smallest details, in small messages I send and receive, when I cook for my family and friends, when I look inside someone’s heart.
    I feel so much love when I share my inner thoughts with a person, even if it means stripping and making myself so vulnerable I feel I have no place to hide, making me feel susceptible for all that’s good but also for all that’s bad.
    I left a life I had before for a new one. I followed love and left everything behind. I didn’t follow the word Love, I followed the actual feeling. I never felt any regrets, not even when it ended and felt like I wanted to die. I was really happy and I would do it all over again, without a doubt.
    I am sure I couldn’t live without love, because it’s not only a four letter word.
    Our Life is worth the Love we have in it.

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